• completed the remaining 3 blocks of pre-clinical phase which was stressful. My daily routine involves reading notes and asking what the hell am I doing with my life (I still do that).
• In July, I took my first professional exam and what made it memorable was the fact that the whole batch passed and no one is left behind in pre-clinical phase for yet another year. I cried a lot during this period because I was too scared of failing the exam, I was afraid of disappointing my parents, I was just a mess. Mind you, it was not the kind of cry where tears rolled down my cheek, it was the ugly sobbing kind till I found it hard to breathe.
• This was the first raya without my Inak (grandma). It felt so different, I ugly sobbed while reading Yassin after the Eid prayers.(yes I was such a huge emotional ball just waiting to erupt anywhere anytime lol).
• Started clinical year on August. Those were life-changing moment because it was something that I look forward to. Turns out, it is much harder than pre-clinical years. All those clinical features, investigation results, pathophysiology that you memorized now has to be applied to understand the disease and to have an idea on the management principle.
Apart from academic related stuff, I discovered a lot more about myself. Some of it were qualities that I developed over the years, some were unpleasant bits that I need to change.
Lately I feel like I have been spiritually low. I watched Aida Azlin's video last night which made me reflect on my prayers quality. In between the busy schedule, chasing to go to OT or wanting to get that extra 10 minutes sleep, I often rush through my solat. Because being exhausted is my default mode nowadays, I found it hard to wake up for night prayers. I have to drag myself to read quran at least once in two days. Sometimes I delay my Isha' prayers up to 5.15 in the morning and on days where my alarm was just another sound in my dream, I missed it. I feel like at this age, those obligation shouldn't be taken lightly so I was disappointed with myself.
2018 resolution: Pray early, improve spiritual relationship with god.
My ignorance which I have always considered a bliss before, is now a quality that I despise. It has been my defense mechanism to get through stuff in life but I think it has to stop now. I'm mostly oblivious to my surroundings. I became less sensitive, and treat people as if they too would excuse my behaviour.
2018 resolution: Be more sensitive and care genuinely.
Seeing patients have exposed me to a lot of good and evil that exist in our world.
2018 resolution: Be kind and try to be more understanding.
My spending habit needs to change. I need to stop buying lipstick. I used up the NYX simply nude lipcream in the shade Sable and immediately bought another lipstick because I'm a piece of shit who has no self-control (seriously this needs to stop Nabilah!)
2018 resolution : We'll see...... Because, what if I need another mauvy or brown lipstick that has a different undertone but looks similar anyways. Right?
Happy New Year pepol! 2017 has been a great year. I am blessed with great family, superb friends, amazing lecturers, inspiring doctors and awesome nurses who were always kind to teach us; the extra pair of lungs in the ward. Thank you for being a part of my journey.
2018 is going to be THE YEAR, I can feel it. I wish you all happiness and may this year become a year where we continue to improve on ourselves and achieves more personal goal. What is your new year resolutions?