Skip to main content

Exponential growth;

Turning 18 and 21 is often used as the marker of adulthood. Having gone through both 18 and 21, I don't feel like I am becoming more of an adult. In fact as each year pass by, I feel like I stopped growing altogether and that each year is passing by without me making any significant changes.

Adulthood is a social construct but transition is expected as we age. With adulthood, the question of maturity comes along. It honestly bothers me so much. Am I mature enough for my age? Does my behaviour reflect my age? Am I choosing the appropriate outfit or does this adds up 10 years to my real age? Mature itself is very subjective as more often than not, we know someone who is younger but very mature in making decision etc. There are no specific measure to determine one's maturity. Writing this made me realize that maybe I am glorifying the idea of adulthood.

Physical development might have stopped for some of us but the psychological and intellectual development is ongoing. I remembered my Psychology lecturer saying that there are certain developmental task that has to be accomplished accordingly. As a young adult, it would be to prepare ourselves for the real adulthood. Think of it as the trial time where we could learn the "adulting" task. Being an adult to me means being responsible, being financially independent and wise in general. It sounds intimidating, why did I ever wish to grow up faster?!?

I admit that I take pride in thinking that I'm transitioning into adulthood when I insisted to pay my phone bill every month. My parents religiously give me monthly allowance so technically its their money and they are still paying for everything. I can't help myself from feeling responsible whenever I put aside some amount of money for saving every month. Heck I even take pride and claimed that I am "adulting" when I go to the bank alone.

The transition to adulthood is not as seamless and smooth as I expected it to be. Living as the Y generation stresses me out even more when people of my age seems like they had their life put together. I know comparison is an illness for our heart but I can't help myself. Sometimes I feel like my life is under control but most of the time, I am clueless. In my childhood dreams, by 22 I would have graduated and start off my career. Turns out at (almost) 22, I am still struggling to finish my MBBS degree, almost always broke, sleep deprived and stressed out.

When I was 12 years old I couldn't wait to start high school because the light blue skirt looks good. When I was 17, I wished high school would end so I could be in college. When I was studying foundation I wished my program would only take one year instead of two long years. I thought when I reach a certain age, everything would just work out by itself.
Little did I know that its going to be confusing just like how Taylor Swift described in her 22 song
We're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time


Popular posts from this blog

Skincare routine

Skincare was a very strange concept to me as my mother (who is blessed with good skin genes) always emphasize that putting products on your face would exaggerate unwanted reactions. She was right to a certain extent, if you use unverified products (read; skincare that claims to whiten your complexion in 2 days) then in the long run it would damage your skin. I used to think skincare is such a girly thing to do. Back in high school until my foundation years, I never bothered using toner, moisturizer or even sunscreen! Life was so simple back then, I cleanse my face, let it dry and hope to God that acne would stop invading my face. Who would've thought now I have to wake up early to make sure the sunscreen sit on my face for a solid 20 minutes before going out of the room.

My skin is dry and sensitive. I concluded its sensitive as I can't use products with fragrance without developing rash. Certain products I have tried in the past leaves a tingling sensation especiall…

The art of what matters;

" It's easier to sit in a painful certainty that nobody would find you attractive or that nobody appreciates your talent than to actually test those beliefs and find out for sure".

A few months ago I responded to an advertisement that is looking for medical student who could write. I gave the person a message and we even had a conversation where she explained about how they are going to provide source, give deadline and how they pay for each writing job that I'll agree to. A week after that, she called and I purposely didn't pick up the call. Why? Well in my defense, it was one of the busiest week in our posting. But to be completely honest, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. So I retreated back to the comfort of my life and just pretend that I could have done it but I choose not to. Did I regret my decision? Back then no, but as I'm writing this I wonder how long is this going to last simply because I refuse to try for fear of not being able …

Recap and resolutions

2017 recap!
• completed the remaining 3 blocks of pre-clinical phase which was stressful. My daily routine involves reading notes and asking what the hell am I doing with my life (I still do that).

• In July, I took my first professional exam and what made it memorable was the fact that the whole batch passed and no one is left behind in pre-clinical phase for yet another year. I cried a lot during this period because I was too scared of failing the exam, I was afraid of disappointing my parents, I was just a mess. Mind you, it was not the kind of cry where tears rolled down my cheek, it was the ugly sobbing kind till I found it hard to breathe.

• This was the first raya without my Inak (grandma). It felt so different, I ugly sobbed while reading Yassin after the Eid prayers.(yes I was such a huge emotional ball just waiting to erupt anywhere anytime lol).

• Started clinical year on August. Those were life-changing moment because it was something that I look forward to. Turns out, i…