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Exponential growth;

Turning 18 and 21 is often used as the marker of adulthood. Having gone through both 18 and 21, I don't feel like I am becoming more of an adult. In fact as each year pass by, I feel like I stopped growing altogether and that each year is passing by without me making any significant changes.

Adulthood is a social construct but transition is expected as we age. With adulthood, the question of maturity comes along. It honestly bothers me so much. Am I mature enough for my age? Does my behaviour reflect my age? Am I choosing the appropriate outfit or does this adds up 10 years to my real age? Mature itself is very subjective as more often than not, we know someone who is younger but very mature in making decision etc. There are no specific measure to determine one's maturity. Writing this made me realize that maybe I am glorifying the idea of adulthood.

Physical development might have stopped for some of us but the psychological and intellectual development is ongoing. I remembered my Psychology lecturer saying that there are certain developmental task that has to be accomplished accordingly. As a young adult, it would be to prepare ourselves for the real adulthood. Think of it as the trial time where we could learn the "adulting" task. Being an adult to me means being responsible, being financially independent and wise in general. It sounds intimidating, why did I ever wish to grow up faster?!?

I admit that I take pride in thinking that I'm transitioning into adulthood when I insisted to pay my phone bill every month. My parents religiously give me monthly allowance so technically its their money and they are still paying for everything. I can't help myself from feeling responsible whenever I put aside some amount of money for saving every month. Heck I even take pride and claimed that I am "adulting" when I go to the bank alone.

The transition to adulthood is not as seamless and smooth as I expected it to be. Living as the Y generation stresses me out even more when people of my age seems like they had their life put together. I know comparison is an illness for our heart but I can't help myself. Sometimes I feel like my life is under control but most of the time, I am clueless. In my childhood dreams, by 22 I would have graduated and start off my career. Turns out at (almost) 22, I am still struggling to finish my MBBS degree, almost always broke, sleep deprived and stressed out.

When I was 12 years old I couldn't wait to start high school because the light blue skirt looks good. When I was 17, I wished high school would end so I could be in college. When I was studying foundation I wished my program would only take one year instead of two long years. I thought when I reach a certain age, everything would just work out by itself.
Little did I know that its going to be confusing just like how Taylor Swift described in her 22 song
We're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time


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