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Showing posts from 2017

Positive tapi jauh.

A few nights ago I was mindlessly talking to a girl in the ward. Well it was mainly because I was trying to evaluate her knee reflex and needed something to distract her mind.

Me: What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Her: I want to be a doctor! *smiles broadly*
Me : Aww thats nice. Why do you want to be a doctor?
Her: I wanna help people plus its a respectful job.

I don't want to burst her bubble and say that people nowadays look up to Sheikh Google more than they do at doctors. She was just 10 years old! But I guess I just wasn't in the right state of mind. I smirked and said is this (coming to the ward at night) what you rather do? She said yes and grinned while I was left biting my lips so as to stop myself from being skeptical.

Later that night I asked myself why am I doing this. Why do I want to become a doctor? I realized that I have no answer for that. My answer back then would be the clichè I want to help people. If someone ask me now? I would say I'm…

First rotation!

My first clinical rotation is Paediatrics. Third week into clinical postings and I'm honestly still adapting. Working with human is tough. You are expected to put up with shitty attitudes and handle everything with a smile. I kid you not, there are times when I feel like yelling to the kid to just sit still and let me do examinations. But that wouldn't be fair isn't it? Their presence in the ward is not by choice.

When we went to Hospital Pekan, there were only 7 patients and 12 of us students. So everyone mostly clerked the same patients. At night, I wished there would be new cases tomorrow. I was hoping there would be new patients admitted during the afternoon and night. It didn't took me long to figure that its wrong to wish for more people to be sick. Its inhumane and cruel even. A patient is a human first and foremost. Treating them with care and empathy is what I need.

I must have slept while writing the above paragraph and forgot to continue it…

Two different world ;

"When your parents got married where were you, Nabilah?"
The 4 year old me without hesitation answered
"I was in front of the pelamin, watching. Didn't you notice I was there?".

Of course my answer did not make any sense. The adults love asking me that question over and over again. Younger me noticed that they love my quirky responses so I change the answer every now and then. Sometimes I would say I was handing the bunga telur, on some days I would say I was the flowergirl. The adults (mostly my mom's colleagues) would compliment me saying I'm smart. The younger me basked in compliments and doesn't even try hiding it.
I suck at a lot of things, especially writing intros so I hope that was interesting enough for you to not close this tab 😂.

I recently read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I noticed that a lot of issues discussed in the book rings true in my parents' situation. Women and men are di…

Tasik Biru Ibam daytrip

Today my friends and I went to Bandar Muadzam Shah a town located about 100km from Kuantan. Awa came up with the idea on a mundane Monday morning while we were both beaten up by the freezing lecture hall and the Monday blues. We planned on visiting the so called "New Zealand" which gained its name due to the greenish scenery and the Tasik Biru Ibam. We're not really adventurous so knowing that it doesn't require much effort to reach the blue lake, is a huge relief (well at least for me).

The drive to Bandar Muadzam Shah took us around two and a half hour. Traffic was clear but the road itself is not in the best condition. From Bandar Muadzam Shah I think we drove for another 15 minutes before reaching Bukit Ibam, the exact location of Tasik Biru or the blue lake.The Blue Lake is actually an old mining site. It is said that the aesthetically pleasing blue colour is a result of copper sulphate sedimentation. No one knows the real depth or what makes the lake e…

Exponential growth;

Turning 18 and 21 is often used as the marker of adulthood. Having gone through both 18 and 21, I don't feel like I am becoming more of an adult. In fact as each year pass by, I feel like I stopped growing altogether and that each year is passing by without me making any significant changes.

Adulthood is a social construct but transition is expected as we age. With adulthood, the question of maturity comes along. It honestly bothers me so much. Am I mature enough for my age? Does my behaviour reflect my age? Am I choosing the appropriate outfit or does this adds up 10 years to my real age? Mature itself is very subjective as more often than not, we know someone who is younger but very mature in making decision etc. There are no specific measure to determine one's maturity. Writing this made me realize that maybe I am glorifying the idea of adulthood.

Physical development might have stopped for some of us but the psychological and intellectual …


In my head, 2017 does not officially start until my hand get used to writing it without any hesitation. Its still at that awkward phase of the year where your hand impulsively writes 2016 and you have to scratch the 6 and write 7. LOL. I actually thought it was still January until almost every beauty guru on YouTube uploaded their January favourites! So lets move on Nabilah, the trial month is over now.

The last blog post was published when I was on my home for grandma's funeral. Al-Fatihah. It all happened very sudden. Her condition deteriorated very fast within the last 24 hours of her life.It goes to remind us all that life is indeed short and fast paced.
This year, I have made a few new year resolution just to add some new excitement in my dull life. In psychology they said personality is not fixed,not until you are 30 years old. So I am 8 years away from shaping myself into the best version before I have to live with the said personality. Oh my …


Perspective/pərˈspektiv ; noun
defined as:
a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

At this age, I have encountered a few people who only see things from their point of view. They are strongly opiniated and always think that they are right. Some turns life into a competition, always wanting to emphasize that they had it worst than you.
When it comes to opinion,of course each individual would be inclined to believe that their own opinion is the truest of em all. I think its very crucial that one have the decency to consider things from another perspective.

As a social media addict(self-proclaimed) I have seen many status on Facebook and tweets that sounds condemning instead of educating. I admit I might be guilty of this too... I have to be honest, there are times when I wanted so badly to comment on certain issues but I stopped myself because I sound arrogant and condemning others for not knowing.
The doctors,med…