Skip to main content


"I am so scared of losing people that matters to me. As much as I understand that everyone will eventually leave this world, I couldn't bear the thoughts of not being able to see someone ever again. Because I am selfish and losing someone forever scares me so much.
My grandma (inak) has been admitted to the hospital yesterday. She complained that her body is aching. The doctor said there is electrolyte imbalance in her body. A sign of renal failure as it can no longer regulate the electrolyte. Her ECG showed myocardial infarction, she is dependent on oxygen mask now. Her blood pressure is fluctuating but is on the low side. It seems like her health is deteriorating even further compared to this morning.

Being away from home, I couldn't do anything but pray. Prayer transcends the distance, prayer is the only thing that helps to put my mind at ease. I couldn't concentrate on what I was studying. My first reaction when my dad sent pictures of her lying on the bed was to cry. I am genuinely scared of losing her. I feel like I haven't take care of her as much as she did when I was younger. I need more time to serve her. Please don't take her away from me. I am not ready. But if its written, please grant us the strength to keep going."

Last night my instinct was so adamant. I prayed asking for things to be going smoothly for inak. When I woke up for subuh prayer I didn't procrastinate as I would normally do. After prayer, I intended to study so I checked my phone to view the Haematology textbook and a message saying that I missed a call from my mom popped up on the phone screen. This is the moment I've been dreading. Given that my parents never called me, this could only mean one thing: a bad news. I mustered my courage before calling and its confirmed. Inak has just passed away.

I took my shower and make important decision as to go back home or not. Truth be told, the shower was done on autopilot. I couldn't even remember if I brushed my teeth or not. As I called my dad tears were falling non-stop. Because I am scared and this feels surreal. I am about to board a plane now.

Damailah engkau di sana
Di sisi rahmat Tuhan mu

Please take a moment to pray for my grandma's wellbeing on the other side. Al-Fatihah


Popular posts from this blog

In place of what is lost, something new emerges ;

It's been quite a while since I last wrote anything here. Maybe that's just a thing with me, I aways stop halfway. Ok so when I first sign up for this blog, I promised myself to not let negativity and the stressed part of me affect my post. But it did anyway because who am I kidding how can I stop myself from doing something that I do on a daily basis ? So a depressing, melancholic, sad,cheesy post this is going to be. You have been warned.

Alhamdulillah I am now in year 2 medic school and all praise to lord for giving me the joy of passing all 4 blocks in the first year. It wasn't a good academic year for me especially during the block 1.

Block 1 highlight:

1.My procrastinating habit is taking its toll on me. I was overwhelmed by the amount of new things that we have to study (and keep in our mind for the rest of our life)

2.I realised I'm a slow learner which means I need extra time to understand a concept. And in medicine, time is never on our side.

3. I …

Tasik Biru Ibam daytrip

Today my friends and I went to Bandar Muadzam Shah a town located about 100km from Kuantan. Awa came up with the idea on a mundane Monday morning while we were both beaten up by the freezing lecture hall and the Monday blues. We planned on visiting the so called "New Zealand" which gained its name due to the greenish scenery and the Tasik Biru Ibam. We're not really adventurous so knowing that it doesn't require much effort to reach the blue lake, is a huge relief (well at least for me).

The drive to Bandar Muadzam Shah took us around two and a half hour. Traffic was clear but the road itself is not in the best condition. From Bandar Muadzam Shah I think we drove for another 15 minutes before reaching Bukit Ibam, the exact location of Tasik Biru or the blue lake.The Blue Lake is actually an old mining site. It is said that the aesthetically pleasing blue colour is a result of copper sulphate sedimentation. No one knows the real depth or what makes the lake e…