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Coping with myself ;

        From the frequency of my blog update, you guys could probably tell how hectic life(aka lots and lots more to read) and how lazy I have become in writing. I still jot down things on my journal and think about things to write(especially during lectures coz I'm a bad student) but really haven't put much effort into writing. I wrote something last week but I stopped halfway. I don't know why.
     For a long time, I constantly feel the need to prove myself. I wanted to prove that I am better than what people think of me. I wanted to prove people wrong for underestimating me. My determination has always been fueled by the need to prove that I am better than everyone who talks behind ny back.
       I thought after highschool ends, my attitude would change and I would be doing things because I want it. I tried putting my goals to drive me forward but occasionally, this feeling of wanting to prove something kicks in and I am back to square one.
       People have this ability of making me feel inadequate and not deserving that I unconsciously turn into my studies for comfort. I thought if I get good results and be in medic school people would eventually stop disturbing my life. But no, there will always be people who are hell-bent on making you feel inadequate.
        Its suffocating to constantly feel the need to prove something. I want to live free of the "if I become this and that it will definitely shush them". I want to be me even if the whole world is against me. This girl only wants a good life, both here and the hereafter. And what better month to try changing your attitude than in the month of Ramadhan itself?
 

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