Skip to main content

Coping with myself ;

        From the frequency of my blog update, you guys could probably tell how hectic life(aka lots and lots more to read) and how lazy I have become in writing. I still jot down things on my journal and think about things to write(especially during lectures coz I'm a bad student) but really haven't put much effort into writing. I wrote something last week but I stopped halfway. I don't know why.
     For a long time, I constantly feel the need to prove myself. I wanted to prove that I am better than what people think of me. I wanted to prove people wrong for underestimating me. My determination has always been fueled by the need to prove that I am better than everyone who talks behind ny back.
       I thought after highschool ends, my attitude would change and I would be doing things because I want it. I tried putting my goals to drive me forward but occasionally, this feeling of wanting to prove something kicks in and I am back to square one.
       People have this ability of making me feel inadequate and not deserving that I unconsciously turn into my studies for comfort. I thought if I get good results and be in medic school people would eventually stop disturbing my life. But no, there will always be people who are hell-bent on making you feel inadequate.
        Its suffocating to constantly feel the need to prove something. I want to live free of the "if I become this and that it will definitely shush them". I want to be me even if the whole world is against me. This girl only wants a good life, both here and the hereafter. And what better month to try changing your attitude than in the month of Ramadhan itself?
 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Skincare routine

Skincare was a very strange concept to me as my mother (who is blessed with good skin genes) always emphasize that putting products on your face would exaggerate unwanted reactions. She was right to a certain extent, if you use unverified products (read; skincare that claims to whiten your complexion in 2 days) then in the long run it would damage your skin. I used to think skincare is such a girly thing to do. Back in high school until my foundation years, I never bothered using toner, moisturizer or even sunscreen! Life was so simple back then, I cleanse my face, let it dry and hope to God that acne would stop invading my face. Who would've thought now I have to wake up early to make sure the sunscreen sit on my face for a solid 20 minutes before going out of the room.

My skin is dry and sensitive. I concluded its sensitive as I can't use products with fragrance without developing rash. Certain products I have tried in the past leaves a tingling sensation especiall…

Two different world ;

"When your parents got married where were you, Nabilah?"
The 4 year old me without hesitation answered
"I was in front of the pelamin, watching. Didn't you notice I was there?".

Of course my answer did not make any sense. The adults love asking me that question over and over again. Younger me noticed that they love my quirky responses so I change the answer every now and then. Sometimes I would say I was handing the bunga telur, on some days I would say I was the flowergirl. The adults (mostly my mom's colleagues) would compliment me saying I'm smart. The younger me basked in compliments and doesn't even try hiding it.
I suck at a lot of things, especially writing intros so I hope that was interesting enough for you to not close this tab 😂.

I recently read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I noticed that a lot of issues discussed in the book rings true in my parents' situation. Women and men are di…

Recap and resolutions

2017 recap!
• completed the remaining 3 blocks of pre-clinical phase which was stressful. My daily routine involves reading notes and asking what the hell am I doing with my life (I still do that).

• In July, I took my first professional exam and what made it memorable was the fact that the whole batch passed and no one is left behind in pre-clinical phase for yet another year. I cried a lot during this period because I was too scared of failing the exam, I was afraid of disappointing my parents, I was just a mess. Mind you, it was not the kind of cry where tears rolled down my cheek, it was the ugly sobbing kind till I found it hard to breathe.

• This was the first raya without my Inak (grandma). It felt so different, I ugly sobbed while reading Yassin after the Eid prayers.(yes I was such a huge emotional ball just waiting to erupt anywhere anytime lol).

• Started clinical year on August. Those were life-changing moment because it was something that I look forward to. Turns out, i…