I was taken aback by this one dream I had this morning. I know it's just my brain doing her job by sorting out informations but still, I was shaken to my core. Who would've thought even after all these years it still hurts? (No, this is not a love story or anything cheesy) . Life has it's own way of reminding us about the previous encounters we have had in life. It comes unexpected and as soon as it hits, it reveals back all the pain that you thought you have left behind. You were so confident that it will not haunt you back and you could live a life, free from all the annoyance and all the unpleasant things. Wrong. You should never underestimate the influence of your experiences as it moulds you into the person you are now. Life's greatest experience doesn't necessarily comes with rainbows and unicorn. For all I know, it could be sent down in the form of thunder and bitterness.
When I was in highschool, I became a laughing stock for a group of people because of my appearance, because I am fat. To make matters worse, these people were my classmates when I was in Form 5. I wouldn't deny how I wish days to end faster because I am always at the brink of tears. I was not sad because they were making fun of me, I was sad because my friends whom I treat as my bestfriends couldn't even stand for me and that hurts so much back then. It hurts so much until it doesn't, so to speak. I learned to live and cope with it until it really doesn't hurt. How I managed to do so? It's simple. I keep on telling myself that these people are insignificant and that I wouldn't be seeing them again as soon as high school ends. One of my mantra back then was 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. And I believe I did become stronger, at some point of my life I managed to eliminate all those insulting voice and keep it behind me. I often wondered why people enjoy inflicting pain on other people. I guess I have found the answer, maybe that's just a way for them to have fun; by hurting others.
Back then, I could not see anything positive beneath this but now I do know that the people sent in your life is either a blessing or a lesson. I believe in my case I have earned one of life's greatest lesson which is to ignore what people have to say about you. There will always be someone who dislikes you for your attitude,appearance or sometimes even for no reasons. You have to know that satisfying every single person in this world is impossible. As long as you're pleasing Allah, your parents and your family then you don't owe anything to them. This has also taught me that in life, you will always be alone no matter how supportive you think your friends are. My friends are great, they really are. It's just that in some circumstances, it is better not to get involved especially in petty things such as this matter. So toughen up and treat your own wounds for you yourself is the only person that can help yourself.
I also learned the value of forgiveness. I learned that it's not easy to forgive someone especially if they have been hurting you intentionally hahaha but nevertheless, I don't hold any grudge against any one of them now. Yes, I still couldn't treat them as a friend and I doubt if I ever will because apparently my doa of 'Ya Allah janganlah Engkau temukan aku dengan orang-orang yang menyakiti hati aku' was granted. I need more time and space to purify my heart so I could easily forgive people. Have I forgiven them? Yes. I don't see any reason not to, plus that was in the past. Since I don't live in the past I chose to let it go, by forgiving people and keep making doa that I will be granted strength to face any upcoming obstacles. Till then, Assalamualaikum (macamla ada reader hahaha)